Sometimes you just hate it when some person wants to chip in to share a present for another friend.Just yesterday one of my friends sent me a message telling me its another friend,Gm's birthday.

He blatantly told me he knew bout it two days ago,and continued to ask me to get a present so he could chip in too.Seriously i don't see the point of him doing this,it's not as if i'm sitting my ass down on the couch with nothing to do.Who ain't busy nowadays?Presents don't have to be expensive or anything,though some people do mind.But at least it has to carry some thought and sincerity.

Where's the sincerity of asking to chip in when he can't get his ass out and buy the present with me,or why can't he spend like some time buying it himself if he already knows it earlier than me.My blood's boiling at the thought of yet again,being made used of,a source of convenience for people.I practically feel almost a sense of pity for my friend gm,at the thought of receiving a present that's just there for the sake of it.

Is friendship now just a matter of name's sake,or a label?Some people no longer get what it means by putting in effort.And others?They'd look at friends as a bunch of back-ups,and the word back-ups sounds nothing like music to my ears.And to think some people flamboyantly do it all the time.

A little more thought,a little more effort,and lots of sincerity.Trying to spend time with all my friends is almost impossible,i admit there are times when i'm callous.But at the very least,i'd still try my very best.Friendship is not a name,nor some shit label or brand,it has to have depth instead of being shallow and merely looked upon by the surface.

"Boy ah!...Mindef sent you a letter!"
Opening up the envelop,there it was some crap ass form reminding me to register at mindef's website.And that set me thinking bout where i would be one year from now..

...probably not bald yet if i should pass my napfa with a gold or silver and most likely enjoying the rest of the days of freedom i have.And i can't help but somehow look forward to it,after all the stories and people relating their experiences to me.Well maybe look forward isn't exactly the right word,just curious bout what it'd be like i guess.

And from what i see,all the guys that go in,become a man.Ok maybe not all,but it does change a person,mentally and physically.My dad would most definitely be rubbing his hands in glee,the day when my head is bald,and carrying a bagpack that looks like some ketupat,joining the queue of the bunch of horny morons that are due for tekong.Can't blame him though,NS in his opinion is gonna make me into a matured fella or something,well looking on the bright side making him happy is considered an act of fillial piety so i guess it ain't that bad.

And how does NS change a person physically?Well most of you are bout to say it makes tummies turn into washboard abs,and fats into toned muscles,last but not least,the fairest of all skins will turn to charcoal.And i'm bout to add on that NS has another effect proven by my cousin and one of my friends.The last time i saw him before he enlisted,he had a tummy and he was fat.The last time i saw him a couple of weeks back,he had a bigger tummy,and he got fatter.In case you're wondering why,he owes it to his training regime that includes sleeping,eating,opening a store,eating,more eating,watching tv,and some more sleeping.Being classified under PesC is just great,you get paid for sitting ur ass around and getting fat,how good can life get huh..

Well a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do,be it getting fat in the name of serving the nation,or trained like dogs.

Don't you hate it,when at times you'd feel this wave of loneliness wash over you.
Leaving you wet with sorrow,and shivering with lost faith.
The warmth of friends,encompassing your shaking body,just don't seem to be complete.
What happens when at this point,hands reach out,all promising more.
Would you just take it or would you not?
I wished i could,for once just reach out and hold one of them.
But i know i could never,for the past haunts,ever so strongly.
Fears of dejavu,arises so rapidly,drowning faith
Careful of the hands,that will never hold on committedly.
Careful of the hands,a blade thats hidden.

Deluded by illusions,blinded by love,
I never saw through the false front you put on.
But because of you,i've became strong.
Because of you,i've learnt so much more.
I've learnt to see,and read characters better.
I've learnt,that i want something something special.

Maybe thats why,good things don't come easy.
God just wanted us to earn it,and want it badly.

We got bored after lunch at tampines mall,and we somehow had an impulse to walk into toys'r us to relive our childhood days.Memories of playing with action figures,lego,and playdoh came flooding back,and i really do miss the days when my cousins and i could play all day long with no worries.Oh yea,i forgot,barbie dolls,and masak masak (or just cooking..) were played too cause one of my cousins i grew up with was a girl.

Life is pretty much summed up with one word nowadays,and thats "tiring",sleep is something that i never have enough.Despite some 10 hours sleep on weekends,they never really suffice.And the prospect of having so much work thrust in my face all of a sudden is a dauting task to overcome.Something i have the heart for,yet lacking in ability to fulfil.Detention never seemed so close...

Some funny shit i saw..

I've learnt a really important skill studying in a JC,and that's patting myself on my shoulder,and telling myself life ain't really that bad...

"Morning Jogs for TAF Club members start next week (Wk 4)

Dear TAF Club members,

Please take note that the morning jogs will start next Monday. Please report punctually at 6.50am at the track to the teacher in charge for attendance taking. You are to stop all exercises by 7.25am to get ready for the morning assembly.

If you are not sure which day you are supposed to report for the morning jog, please look for Ms Goh or Mr Yazid at the PE dept.

The afternoon gym training sessions for JC2 TAF club members will start in Wk 6. "

As i whinned to my mom bout coming home so late tonight,and eating dinner at 930pm,i chanced upon this announcement on my school website.And all of a sudden,life looked better,and the two words often used in my dictionary

"At least..." popped out yet again. "At least i don't have to wake up extra early to go to school and do some PT shit..."
Life's a bitch sometimes,oh wait,correction...most of the times.But all you have to do,is to have an optimistic mindset,and turn into some self-comforting moron.

Darn,it's just the third week of school term and i'm already feeling the exhaustion.Being at home before 6pm has never seemed such a mammoth task,and laying on my bed has never felt this good.It has come to the point whereby i'm actually feeling relief when i finally lay this drained body to rest.

And i really do feel like giving up in so many things,life is really a bed of thorns right now.One thing i'd love to give up right now,is volleyball.Right from the start i knew the team was crap,but it never crossed my mind that after a year,we're still crap.

Maybe emmanuel was right,i shouldn't even have harboured any hopes in this team,cause they're mainly two category of people here.The first category,people who have the heart to train,but just lack the talent.And people,who basically lack talent,and the heart to train.

Why would i bother harbouring any hopes in this team?I guess it goes back to secondary school,being part of a basketball team which has an average height of 165,and no playing experience at all.A great resemblance to the current team i'm in right now.I still vaguely remembered my coach's face when we started off our first training,well it's not that difficult to recall considering the only thing you'd feel watching us train would be this thing called "disgust"
(Another similarity to the volleyball team)

And there was something i remembered till today,my coach mentioned something that made loads of sense."You guys may be short,and have lesser talent than other teams in basketball.It doesn't matter,what matters is that you train even harder than them to make up for it."
With that,began the torturous training sessions,where we worked our limbs till they could no longer move.Our skins barbequed under the unforgiving scorching sun,and our jerseys soaked with sweat to the point when it actually weights down on your tired shoulders.Rain or shine we trained as hard,and despite all those rigorous training,we turned up faithfully every training session.

Our team had a common mentality,it's ok if we don't win,cause we know our own capabilities.But its not ok,to get tossed aside,trampled all over,and humiliated.It's alright to lose,when at the end of the game,they celebrate a victory which they had to fight hard for.It's alright to lose,when you know you have trained and done your very best.But it's not ok to lose,when you're tossed aside,and trampled on.When you lose all dignity,with your heads hung low,knowing you got this coming.

In this volleyball team,i see nothing.There is no fighting spirit,and there is no team spirit.A mere few with the hearts to play,and the rest just there...there to fill the numbers.I just wish i could walk away without feeling guilt,and without feeling like i've spat on my own principles.I hate walking away,cause i hate giving up.To me giving up and taking the easy way out are for losers who just can't see effort and perserverence is everything.

I learnt from her lots of things,and reinforced my mentality.The day she walked away,leaving and escaping the problems,was the day i told myself that i should never give up,nor walk away."What have you learnt there at volleyball?You've learnt nothing!" as he encouraged me to quit.Rebuttals flooded through my mind,but non came out cause a part of me felt he was right.I pondered bout it the whole night,and i finally came to a conclusion..
If i quit now,then it'd show i've truly learnt nothing at all...

I'm gutted by what i did,and i sincerely apologise.I'm really sorry for further ruining your day,i really am.
I betrayed your trust on a moment of hindsight,on a stupid assumption i conceived.
I know how it feels to have trust betrayed,of all people i know it best.
And i'm praying now,that we'd still be friends,in my life there's only been a few,whom i could just talk about everything.
Just a few,whom i could bare my honest thoughts and feelings to.
Dear friend,i wish you could know how bad i'm feeling,and i'm truly sorry .

Yes family Jack Sparrow is family of the year!!I'm so proud of you peeps!

Last night's campfire was just great,the end of orientation camp was a conclusion for the past hectic 3 days.Waking up early and going back late takes its toll after a couple of days,and i'm totally drained.

It's all been great,from the very beginning OGL camp till the J1 orientation camp.I've learnt so much,and i guess i've grown in a way or two from this experience.I've gone from a TPJCian who doesn't even know his school song,and a TPJCian who'd gladly tell you never to come to this school,to being an ambassador of TPJC and yes i finally know how to sing my school song after a year.

You'd truly start pondering,when the j1s ask you,"what do you think of TPJC?"
Most of us i guess would be tongue tied,the first few thoughts that came would be it's slack,don't come here people,you'd end up getting screwed.But then again on second thoughts,memories of my fellow dedicated teachers,who never gave up and always trying to push us even at times when it seemed we're practically hopeless flooded back.

My reply to them,which i hope was fair and something which was brutally honest,was exactly what my physics teacher used to say in class,and coincidentally something i used to take as bullcrap.

"Here,you can make it,so as long as you try,so as long as you want to.The teachers are always here.You may think or say this is a slack school,but then again,it always comes from the mouths of slackers themselves.It's the same wherever you go,if you're slack,there'd be no happy ending for you.It all comes down to yourself."After this short speech to them,i found myself momentarily stunned,cause it was just as my teachers used to say,and the thought of me actually mouthing the similiar words was just hard to swallow.

As the days passed by.my mindset gradually changed about J1 orientation,i slowly realised that my objectives were reshuffling their order.I wanted to do something that never crossed my teeny weeny pea brain.Orientation camp,wasn't about just coming to school and then running through the activities mindlessly.It was far beyond that,making the j1s feel part of the TPJC family,and making them feel that this was a warm place that welcomed them was THE point.

Letting them bond with each other,and letting them get attached to the school,was my goal.The sense of belonging which i lacked was a priority,it explained everything about me and a large number of my friends who came after the first three months.

"It's a waste of time,and besides,your only going to check our the girls!"
I can still remember what my friend said when i tried convincing him to come along to be an OGL.After this whole experience,i just wished he was there,there so he'd know what it all feels like.What it feels like to be one with a whole group of people,shouting,screaming.That wave of euphoria after everyone gives in everything for a group cheer,that feeling that grips you so tightly,that it feels hard to breathe.

And finally,the sense of achievement,and satisfaction that you probably have done something right,and hopefully something for the school.
And there's the chance,that you made some people feel at home,a small chance you convinced people that this is the school for them.
And the small chance,that you finally feel proud of your own school...

The belated christmas gift from melissa!Stumped for words cause i didn't know she'd keep that photo and even frame it up as a gift! Love it!Thanks alot Mel! =)

Three big needs now in my life,and the biggest need?I need to watch Leehom's concert again!Shall start saving for the dvd now,and so there goes like a week's worth of allowance.
And i'm dying to catch deathnote 2 and the curse of the golden flower,so much stuff to do,but so little time.

Doubt i'd have time to catch any,this week's packed,and next week's gonna be my tests.The coming weeks would most probably be spent at detention..considering the amount of work i owe.

OH MY GOD!I FREAKING GAINED LIKE 3 KG!DAMMIT!

Went to weigh myself happily like before,but nearly died when i saw the scales i now tip at...bloody 63kg...can you believe it?#%$@%@#$%...man i'm gonna weigh myself again later after i get over this shock...

I'm back,and somehow i've spent one year in malaysia,owing to the fact that i went in 2006 and returned in 2007.Been a fruitful trip,learnt alot,and it's been quite an eye opener.
Though it didn't exactly rain when i was there,there were aftermaths of the floods in some areas i passed by.

Knee high water levels were the norm,but most areas were generally alright.After the ooo's and ah's it hit me that we are indeed lucky in Singapore.The so called "floods" we complain about are probably deemed ridiculous by malaysians,we don't suffer water and electricity cut-offs.And we don't have to fish on our rooftops to pass time while waiting for some boat to rescue us.For me,it'd be something i'll most certainly never experience,owing to the fact that i stay at 11 storeys above ground.And should it one day flood to this height,Singapore would most probably be the next Atlantis,"Singlantis".

Since it's 2007,a new year calls for new and better changes,and i've just set myself new targets.
And the list includes mainly personal stuff,better attitude,better character,etc.I'm on my way to being a good boy this year,and hopefully a nerd.


Time has a habit of slipping us by,and yet time and again we fail to grasp this concept.
And maybe thats how the word regret came about,maybe thats why we always look back and sigh.Treasuring and cherishing time spent with important people,and time that i have tops my list this year,i hate looking back and i hate regretting.This year it'd be a year i'm looking ahead,i wanna embrace tomorrows,let go of yesterdays,and cherish todays...